And the winner is....

Scene: GMAA annual dinner. Very much like the Golden Globe Awards, in that people are eating dinner and drinking copiously while awards are presented and recipients give humble, yet incredibly self-congratulatory speeches for the cameras. (Minus the cameras, the speeches, and the copious drinking.)

Esteemed presenter announces, "And the winner of the Best Blog of Year is... '26.2 Miles - Because 26 Miles Isn't Enough'!" Crowd collapses in hysterical approval, standing ovation commences. The blogger steps forward. On cue she shakes her head no, surely hers was not the best blog of the year?! (Surely hers was, in fact, the only blog in contention. Much easier to win first in a one-person contest. Note to self: enter one-person races more often.)

The peels of applause soften as the audience gazes on the winner, matching the tears in her eyes as she accepts the coveted GMAA pint glass and Dunkin Donuts gift certificate.

"This is such a shock, I didn't prepare any remarks," she begins pro forma, glancing at her type-written notes. "Surely the other candidates were more deserving. Who can pass a week without clicking on 'gaga-4-gu.com' or 'runday-bloody-runday.org' ? It's an honor to be their company," she recites, almost convincingly. "I'd like to thank all the people who made this possible: Jess Cover, for believing in me and for maniacally tormenting me, thus giving me something to write about. Chad Shepard for actually reading the blog, even the posts that I don't bother spell-checking. Spell-check, for making the blog somewhat intelligible. And in particular, I'd like to thank all fast, naturally gifted runners who give me fits of envy and feelings of futility, and thus more material." Audience shifts in their seats, boredom sets in already. Did someone say there was desert? "I dedicate this award to all the people who dared to believe that they, too, could......" the orchestra strikes up, quite loudly actually. Clearly time for a commercial break.

Ooh, the pressure of winning my first-ever running award. And oooh, the irony that it's not actually for running. Brings back memories of the jar of BBQ sauce I almost received once for finishing in last place. I promise only to drink diluted Gatorade or protein shakes from my new, very favorite piece of glassware. I hope the celebrity doesn't go to my head.